30 August 2011


First of all, I would like to introduce you to my new hero:

I haven't actually read the accompanying article but the caption said something about the one dude stabbing people at a Notting Hill carnival & my hero there with the shopping bags attempted to trip him as he ran by. I love it - nothing overly dramatic, no need to drop your shopping, just resort to your school boy days & trip the bastard. Apparently it didn't work but I shall now be on the look out for any opportunity to trip criminals.

So yes, I have a new ambition in life. Also, I am now 35 weeks pregnant so I only have 4 weeks to go. Next Wednesday (1 week from tomorrow) I have an appointment with my OB doctor instead of the midwives & we'll schedule the actual birthdate so I'm very excited about that! It will be nice to have a day to look forward to finally.

I'm feeling okay at the moment. I had a very rough few days where the pregnancy felt like it had finally caught up with me - not just my bitchiness but actual exhaustion, aches, pains & that unholy heaviness from carrying an almost full-sized newborn around in your gut. But miraculously yesterday I was feeling better again & today was alright but nothing to write home about ... except that I'm writing about it now so figure that out. We hit playgroup this morning but left after the playground part so I wouldn't have to trail him around the classroom feeling sorry for myself because I have the only non-well-behaved child there.

My goal for this week is to go to bed early. As tired as I've been, I find it impossible to get to bed before 11pm - sometimes I fall asleep on the couch at a decent hour but then I have to get up a couple of hours later when Marcel goes to bed, then my 75 step process to getting ready for bed wakes me up so much that I can't get to sleep before midnight or so. Fascinating story, isn't it? But last night we were in bed & ready for snoozing at 10.30, which was awesome. Ben settled into his new room without a hitch, thankfully, so he's sleeping well. Okay, he bounces & yells & plays for a little while first but then he passes out so all's well that ends well.

I'm feeling like a bit of a failure at being a mother these days. I'm trying to control my bad moods for Ben's sake but there are still many four-letter words being thrown about - maybe I'm lucky that Ben isn't talking so much so he can't copy my lovely language! On top of that, I just don't have the energy to run with him much so when we're outside it's basically only in our own backyard so I can sit back & just watch him play. Not so exciting for him so then we end up back inside with me either doing piddly chores around the place with him underfoot or watching kids shows on ABC2.

There are very few shows that I like, by the way. I have to give credit to Peppa Pig for making me laugh hysterically in almost every episode while also entertaining the boy. I would like to personally smack every Wiggle when we happen to catch their show. I am fine with them being who they are & realize they're dorky songs & stuff appeal to kids. The problem I have with them is the fact that despite everyone knowing that they are gazillionaires from their shows, they obviously do not invest a single dollar of that fortune back into the show!! Seriously, it looks like it's produced by amateurs in a high school studio somewhere. I understand the appeal of keeping things simple for kids entertainment but no, I'm not letting these jokers off the hook with their half-assed efforts. And do not get me started on their spin-off shows like Baby Antonio's Circus & the annoying one in some royal kingdom with shrieky singing & sometimes the characters from these shows crossover, which makes sense once you watch the credits & realize half of them have the same last names as various Wiggles so they're obviously vanity projects for family & friends where they (again) throw some crap together & call it a show. I tend to turn them off the second they come on out of sheer principle. I have very few high horses to look down from but I take lazy TV production very personally.

Whooo, now that I'm done with that rant I'll move on to another. Do you want to know one of the things I hate most about being a parent? Never being able to go to the bathroom in private. I always close the door & keep my fingers crossed that Ben will be distracted enough with his total destruction of the house that he won't notice I've disappeared but that door creaks open every time! And we're not just talking #2's so he must have a really keen ear out for that bathroom door closing. Marcel & I have been together over 11 years & he has never seen me on the toilet in any manner & that's included being in homes like this one with only one bathroom but that's one of the two rules we have in this relationship - no pooping or peeing in sight of each other. But Ben has not missed a thing & finds new & exciting ways to harass me all the time. Yes, I could lock him out but I'm also not a big fan of listening to him yell at me & bang the door so it's lose-lose.

If you're wondering what the second rule in Marcel & my happy marriage is, hold your horses because it is out of left field. We are not allowed to name any child any name that a pet has had in either of our families. That's it - no peeps or poops & no animal names for our children. I think you get the gist of our happy home from that insight.

Well, I've run out of relationship guidance for you & have already ranted, raved & resorted to talking about bathroom behavior so it's probably time for me to put a stop to this madness. Have a wonderful whatever it is where you are!

25 August 2011

My little pig droppings

For some odd reason I was reading an article about Annie today (I think they're putting it on in Sydney again soon or something) & it dawned on me that in my current state I totally remind myself of Miss Hannigan!! I am not proud of this but all the signs point to yes. I just want to sit around in my little corner of shabby luxury but my wretched child keeps coming up with schemes to drive me insane. Replace her booze with my hormones & I think we're a match! Keep your singing orphans & runaway dogs out of my way please - wait, let me think this over a bit more. She had them cleaning all the time, didn't she?? I'm in the midst of some Friday cleaning myself & could use some little urchins to make my floors & toilet shine like the top of the Chrysler Building. Ah well, I guess Miss Hannigan is on her own for this one.

Was I the only kid that thought Miss Hannigan was awesome? Screw being a mouthy singing brat, I wanted Miss H's clothes & wild hair. Ah well, at least I've got her way with kids these days!
With a total lack of segue here, I think we're well on the way to having Ben's first bee sting any day now. Every morning there's a bee buzzing around some of our flowers for a little while & Ben is fascinated by it. Fascinated is actually an understatement - I was taking the sheets off my bed & could hear him screeching in the backyard so I ambled back there to check it out. He was just standing by the plant screaming with joy while watching this poor bee do his thing & every time the bee ducked out of sight further into the plant, Ben got all befuddled & started his "Where is it?" routine, only to be tickled once again when it would dart out of the plant. I haven't really told Ben about the possibility of stings, just not to crowd the bee or poke it or anything - I really hate when little kids are terrified of getting bitten or stung by something so turn into crazy little bug avoiders even if they've never had a bad experience (sorry, I told you I was in Miss Hannigan mode). I can understand being spooked if they've been stung but heaven knows I had a few stings in my day & it was not a big deal. I will regret these words when it turns out Ben has some awful allergy to them or something but for now I'd like to keep his interest alive.

He is really strange when it comes to animals. Both Marcel & I were animal fanatics as kids - if there was a dog within a mile radius of me, I would find it & fall in love with it. Luckily I was taught how to approach dogs appropriately & had good luck except for the pit bull that attacked me when I was six. True story, a gazillion stitches, lots of drama, but I digress. My point was going to be that Ben doesn't seem to care for dogs at all, just ignores them in general. He loves the neighbors' cat now but even that relationship started out rather coldly with neither of them wanting much to do with the other. I'm perfectly fine with this because we do not want a dog anytime soon & we're thrilled to have the neighbors' cat (Harley) around for his visits without having any responsibility for him. BUT Ben is crazy about little things like this bee & oh my goodness snails. He is hysterical around snails - loves nothing more than having a snail crawling on his hand. Marcel took him to Sabbath School last week (just like Sunday School but for Sabbath goers, obviously) & he was ignoring whatever the teacher was talking about because he had already started coloring but then Marcel said "Hey Ben, she's got a snail." The boy took off like George Costanza trying to escape the fire, ploughed over the other kids & got up in the teacher's face so he could get to that poor snail. Something tells me we're going to be the family with lizards, spiders & creepy crawlies instead of the cute & cuddly puppies & kittens. Maybe Fonzie will be different.

Speaking of Number Two, I'm finally starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Still not too bad & shouldn't really complain because I know a lot of women have it much worse but I'm getting the shooting tailbone pain when I'm walking around from time to time now & rolling over in bed is an epic adventure that would be much easier with a crane or some sort of hoisting mechanism. I think my stomach doubled in size two nights ago so it's in another very tight stage & it appears that my bump may have challenged my thighs to keep up with it as they are growing too. I could live without this particular development but I feel a bit silly doing my squats now - I could have done with a little foresight I suppose.

I'm trying to avoid sitting on the couch as tempting as it is (& yeah, that's where I am right now) & I'm attempting to keep up & around as much as possible, even if it's just meandering around the house or getting groceries & stuff like that. You'd think this would go hand in hand with keeping my house clean but somehow that's just not working out! Making some progress today, washing sheets, dusting bedrooms, anything but cleaning that stupid bathroom - I'm afraid if I get down on my hands & knees to scrub the shower I may end up getting stuck there FOREVER. I don't want to give birth on my bathroom floor smelling like eucalyptus mint cleanser - please promise you won't let that happen to me.

Now that our house is pretty much clear of the plague besides a few sniffles & occasional sore throat from the girl who can't take cold medicine, we are kicking into full gear on the house rearranging & redecorating. Marcel finished painting Ben's new room (the old Office of Mystery) & we're renting a steam carpet cleaner this afternoon to clean the three bedrooms, which are the only rooms that are carpeted. Also going to use that sucker to clean my car & Ben's carseat while we're at it - let's face it, I'll steam clean anything that sits still. I'm dying to get a steam mop too by the way for the craggy tiles in our bathroom & kitchen. They are gorgeous or would be gorgeous if I could get them nice & super clean again! Normal mopping just doesn't cut it.

Anyway, I hate when I find myself talking about cleaning so much. Reminds me that I'm such a typical housewife & not the kind they make TV shows about. Back to the moving & grooving of our lovely little Rancho Relaxo - hopefully will get all of Ben's room moved over this weekend after our carpet cleaning adventures & get the guest bed moved into his old room. Our guest bed, which currently lives in pieces in the garage, is unfinished wood so I'd like to stain or paint it too while we're at it so it actually matches. And I'm designing a picture wall for the guest room. So far I have frames but very little art to go in them. I'm trying to scale down on family pictures, especially since we'll have to get all new family shots with our new little Fonzarelli anyway. I'm in a very artsy fartsy mood but unfortunately that requires artsy fartsy money so I'm doing a lot of scouring the internet for free art to hold places until we have a bit of money to buy what we truly want. We don't actually know what we truly want but we're keeping our eyes on etsy.com & 20x200 for affordable, special pieces. And by "we" I mean me - Marcel may not even be aware that we're in any kind of art hunt at all. And hey, did you know that if you go to Banksy's website (http://www.banksy.co.uk/) you are welcome to download & use whatever you want from his website for your own personal use? You obviously can't sell it or anything but I'm going to have a piece or two printed for our walls, I know that. Thank you Banksy!

Anyway, I should go hang up some laundry to dry & let Ben know we're not having hot mush for lunch today .... we're having cold mush.

Ugly Face Contest

Happy Thursday folks. This should be my day of freedom while Ben is at daycare but unfortunately his daycare lady (not a teacher so not sure what do I call her?) has conjunctivitis & has to close for a few days. Yee-haw. That is the big drawback of the little family daycares - sure, there's more one on one time & less curriculum, which I consider a good thing at this age, but if she's sick or something then that's it. The organization that oversees all the local family daycares will help to find a replacement for the day but I'm not really cool with stuffing Ben in any old daycare where I don't know what the other kids are like or how old they are, etc. I'm sure they'd all be fine but I'd rather be a martyr & keep him with me - I also figure at least most of the other parents probably actually work so I wouldn't want to take up a space that might keep them from getting the help they need. I really really could have used a day off today, though.

I'm not going to lie, I've had some rough days recently. It's pretty safe to guess that it's all just hormones but my patience is barely existent anymore, my brain is scrambled & I'm discovering that it's possible that heavily pregnant women & toddler are mortal enemies not meant to coexist. Poor Ben is learning the fine art of giving me the stink eye every time I scold him, which is all the bloody time. And he's perfecting his terrible two skills such as when I tell him not to do something, he does it again & again as quickly as absolutely possible before I can get to him to scold/lecture again. I think he's finally figured out that I can't keep up with him too so there's lots of dashing away while I clutch my tailbone in pain as I waddle swiftly behind him. He's such a turd.

Fortunately he doesn't seem to hold a grudge against me. He has become enamored with the camera & after I tried to smooch him yesterday for a picture, he got caught up with the concept. He's a bit aggressive in that area, which led to some lovely shots of his mama:

Oooooh yeeeeeah. I've never seen such flattering pictures in all my life. I kind of want to blow that second one up to poster size because it might guarantee a lifetime win to the ongoing Ugly Face Contests that our family enjoys!

For some odd reason, The Hogan Family is on TV at the moment. I never watch any TV except kids shows during the day but Ben is taking a rare nap & my feet needed some lifting because they were starting to tingle. Anyway, Jason Bateman is in Sydney at the moment so I figure they're trying to kiss his ass by showing his amazing TV history. It's the one where Jason & his college friends kidnap their rival school's wolverine mascot & when they want to find out what it eats, he asks his brother to look it up in the encyclopedia. Hahahahaha! I miss encyclopedias! This is a terrible show by the way.

Ah well, on that note I should go. Need to wake the boy up before his nap goes on too long & he doesn't sleep tonight. Also need to fold a few loads of laundry. I think I'm addicted to laundry, I hate to say - I find myself thinking about it way too much. I've even chosen outfits for the day by what's waiting in the laundry basket. "Hmmmm ... I need to wash Marcel's black work shirts so I'll wear black today so I have enough to finish that load." That sort of thing. Now I'm really going before I admit even more embarrassing things.

17 August 2011

Sucking down Darjeeling with Marie Antoinette & her sister

Not going to ramble much today - tired, think I may ever so slowly acquiring Marcel's cold & listening to the joyous sounds of Ben hammering on every hard object in the house with his little plastic play hammer. It's rainy & cold & we're attempting to not spend money this week so Ben & I haven't left the house today & there may be a touch of cabin fever setting in.

I've thrown all nap theories, claims & rules out the window this week. Ben has a touch of the stuffy nose, etc. that may be his cold in the making so he's been a grouch & tired so he needs a nap but I am still severely lacking in the patience department & can't handle the thought of his nap avoidance techniques that drive me insane on my best days. So earlier this week I found myself thinking through my options as Ben cranked & fussed & threw his toys around like a pleasant little chap. I remembered how my mom always got her other grandkids to sleep when they didn't want to - she'd hold them in the rocking chair (not all of them at once, she's not THAT good), tell them they didn't have to sleep, just rest & be still, close their eyes & they could get right back up in 10 minutes or so. This never failed to fool their pea brains & they'd conk out immediately. Has now worked like a charm twice this week with Ben so I'm adding it to my emergency repertoire. As far as I'm concerned he's over napping but if he's having a particularly rough day like these (or when he's at daycare so exhausted from playing) he can have one. I discussed this particular theory with the early childhood woman yesterday & she said it's good - even when toddlers are ready to give up their nap, they're going to go back & forth for a while & yes definitely need naps in special circumstances.

I actually expected to be taken to task for rocking him to sleep instead of following the proper settling rules but she apparently didn't care. Anyway, it wouldn't have changed my mind since it's only once in a while & it works so well that I can just plop him down on the couch a few minutes after he falls asleep & go about my day without disturbing his ridiculously deep sleep. Mom's technique worked so well that I celebrated by making one of my favorite recipes of hers too - Kentucky Derby chocolate chip/pecan pie. Can't wait to cut into that tonight when Marcel is home!

Anyway, Ben is having a hissy fit at the moment after bumping his hand on something - this is always the biggest clue that he is getting sick or is tired, can not handle any hint of an injury no matter how teeny weeny - so I should go figure him out. Smells like I may also need to change stinky diaper number 3 of the day as well. Joy of joys.

16 August 2011

clogged up

Had my 33 week scan this morning & all was well. Bambino hasn't dropped after all - noooo, even though we couldn't see his twirly moustache through the ultrasound he is up to much more dastardly things than dropping in there. Last week at my midwife appointment he was in the headfirst position all geared up for the big game but apparently yesterday when I thought he had plummeted to the next stage of getting ready, he instead was whirling himself back around so his gonzo head is back up top & his goober feet are down in my pelvis. He is also obviously taking clogging lessons in there (if you haven't witnessed "clogging," I'll include a video at the end - it's like hillbilly tap-dancing & it's fabulous) & has decided my bladder is an awesome footrest. Even the sonographer grimaced when she saw where his feet were - lovely to be able to watch the little turd kicking me in action. Ben spent the last several weeks of his womb time with his feet in my ribs, which was pure torture for me, so I will take the discomfort of pelvis clogging & bladder stomping I suppose. He still has 6 weeks to get turned back downward but I guess it doesn't really matter with a c-section anyway so he can max & relax in any old position he likes.

We also had an early childhood development appointment with Benny boy, which went really well. I really love that system over here - I get the feeling that the GPs we've gone to don't give a rat's patootie what's going on unless it's something major. This lady today was wonderful & didn't make me feel ignored or crazy or like a crappy mother, which is a bonus. She played with Ben to get ideas of how he was developing & wasn't in the least bit concerned about the fact that he doesn't want to sit down with the other kids. She's also not too concerned about his speech, which is lovely because that was the one area that made me a little nervous. She gave me the number for the system's speech pathology service, which has group classes with kids up to 3 to help get them more advanced but she didn't seem to think he had any actual issues to worry about, just not in a big hurry to get the words out.

I do think Ben is getting Marcel's cold - there is a nice constant stream of snot coming out of his nose, his left eye won't stop watering & every time we're in public he starts sneezing. Not sure why he isn't sneezing around the house but I figure he wants sympathy from strangers for being dragged around the Spotlight 2-day sale or something.

Anyway, nothing else new to report. All is well. We're all happy, almost healthy & have a million gazillion things to accomplish in the next 6 weeks. That probably means I'll be blogging more than usual to avoid doing any of that actual work. And I want to sleep all day & all night, which oddly isn't possible for some reason. Please don't point out to me that I'm going to be even more tired after Fonzie arrives - I am doing a great job of blocking that fact at the moment & assuming when the pregnancy is done I'll get over the constant sleepiness. Ahhhhh, I do love the pregnancy brain failure.

Now on to the clogging!

15 August 2011


So I'll be 33 weeks pregnant tomorrow & having my 32 week ultrasound (remember that my appointment was rescheduled after the ultrasound tech got sick or something last week) so eager to see the little man. Hope to goodness he's on point size-wise as my continued high risk status is because of that fear. I've been measuring right on track at my midwife appointments so I think we should be good.

I'm pretty sure he dropped today. Was walking around the grocery store & felt a new tremendous pressure in my lower pelvis & back, introducing a lovely new waddle to my walk & tiny bit of lower back pain but not too bad. It's going to be a loooong 6+ weeks if he really is tucked into place already. Hopefully shall be breathing easier at least but have already noticed an extra bathroom trip or two this afternoon & it is seriously heavy as hell down there now. Still very comfortable compared to the last pregnancy so I shouldn't complain.

Went to Chicks at the Flicks with a lovely crowd of ladies to have a high tea screening of The Help. Loved that movie - if Viola Davis & Octavia Spencer aren't both up for Oscars this year, I shall be forced to start a vicious letter-writing campaign to the Academy. We shall ignore the fact that I never got around to my other vicious letter-writing campaign when Joseph Fiennes was not nominated for Shakespeare in Love. HIS EYES DID MORE ACTING THAN EVERY NOMINEE THAT YEAR. But whatever, I'm not holding a grudge.

Anyway, enjoyed my tea & cupcake & really loved the movie. I understand the issues that a lot of people have with the story but some of my fears for it weren't really issues after all. My biggest annoyance at the concept was that it was the white girl swooping in to save the poor colored women (using that word from the movie, not something I would ever use myself) but to me it felt like Emma Stone's character was more just a vehicle for Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer & the other maids to tell their stories. I do see where people were annoyed that the most racist character was so over the top she became comical - I enjoyed her scenes but then wondered if I should have enjoyed them. But seriously a great movie, though you're going to need tissues. And it wasn't just hormonal me boo-hoo'ing so be forewarned that you're hearts going to break a few times ... unless you're a robot.

You know who's not a robot? JOSEPH FIENNES!

Anyway, one day they'll stop casting him in crappy TV shows that aren't worthy of him & he'll earn himself some awards. And with that I bid you adieu. I'm sure I'll have some updates for you tomorrow after my ultrasound as well as Ben's developmental checkup appointment, which is also in the morning. Should be interesting ...

09 August 2011

Dirty Dancing at 32 weeks

There is something quite serious taking up all the room in my brain today. Why are they going to remake Dirty Dancing? There is no reason to do this - that movie is perfect in every way. They can't improve on it & it will cause a whole generation of grumpy gals like myself to sound even older & sourer than we are by forcing us to give our personal presentations of why the original was so dang special all the bloody time to anyone who will listen. We all have these spiels & if this new piece of crap movie is as bad as I imagine it will be - & I'm imagining terrible things like Channing Tatum & whatever hoochie is currently showing her nether regions & hair extensions at the time - it will slander the Swayze name & I will not stand for it. I will make jolly old London look like a peaceful place to be - rioting & screaming through the streets while taking breaks to dance with watermelons in my arms.

And you KNOW they will slut this movie up. Yes, of course there was sex & sexy themes in the first one but it was awkward & glorious & authentic - whereas I imagine lots of dry humping in the new version & choreographed routines where there should be done.

All that aside, if they put Zac Efron in the lead role I will at least give this movie a chance. But they better let me choose who plays Frances "Baby" because I will not stand for them screwing this up. In fact they should just let me do it myself because I can pull off awkward, gawky, love-struck, terrible dancer like no one's business. They may have to hire a body double for the good dancing & just paste my smiling face over it but it will be worth it, Hollywood.

In other news, I had my 32-week checkup this morning & all is well. They forgot to put my name in the appointment book so they squeezed me in quickly, which was awesome because it meant I was in & out in 10 minutes. I am all about efficiency at the hospital. Well, unless I stumble into the ER with best looking staff on earth again then they can take their precious time while I gawk. But anyway, Fonzie's right on the mark measurement-wise & has got his head down in position ready to go. It's going to be a long 7 weeks for that poor boy now that he's running out of room so I need to come up with schemes to entertain him. Laser light show on my belly, some new songs or books, bongo drum practice, I don't know.

As I mentioned on facebook this morning, I heard my old favorite song on the radio on the way home from the hospital. Ray Stevens' Mississippi Squirrel Revival. Even the name makes me smile right now but when I landed on it I laughed so hard that I startled poor Ben & probably looked a bit loony to fellow drivers. It was enough to make me vow that today's goal would be to relax & laugh as much as possible. I've been so wound up on all our organizing, cleaning, planning blah blah blah & my hormones have severely cut off all my patience so I haven't been the most fun to be around these days. I am seriously bad company. But today I have The Muppets Take Manhattan in my possession from our DVD rental service so that will be our quiet time activity this afternoon, which has taken over from Ben's nap that no longer exists. It never pans out to be true quiet & still time but it's a bit calmer than the rest of the day so I appreciate it. And any movie that shows Kermit the Frog's legs in action is okay by me.

*sigh* I should take a picture of my super gut today to celebrate reaching the 32 week milestone but I think my mirror is even dirtier today than last time since we got Ben a step stool so he can brush his teeth like a big boy beside us. Let's see if I can find a better way to do this that doesn't involve me having to clean the mirror ... this may take a while so I'll get back with that.

In the meantime, I invite you into the wonderful world of Ray Stevens. I always assume the entire world knows these classics but then realize it may be more of a Tennessee thing. I also realized only a few short years ago that much of my father's comedy repertoire is Ray Stevens quotes & faces.  Put on your least mature listening ears & enjoy ...

Mississippi Squirrel Revival

The Streak

07 August 2011

notes from the edge (not The Edge from U2, just the edge)

So it's Thursday, Ashley's holy day when Ben is living it up in daycare. I walked around the mall all morning (shook it up, went to Tuggerah instead of Erina - woo hoo) & was reminded that I don't do that much walking all at once anymore. Lots of starting & stopping with my usual companion but today was a pretty solid hour & a half of straight roaming. It felt really good until my feet & hands started to swell, which brought me much stress. How could I forget about this stage of pregnancy??? In this case I just sat down on a bench & rested until things de-puffed. They never got to the ridiculous stage that I used to suffer around this stage of Ben's pregnancy, working all day in an un-airconditioned office in a steamy Sydney summer, commuting 3+ hours a day, most of it on a cramped train where I couldn't elevate my feet at all. My cankles were legendary & I kind of wish I hadn't been too humiliated to photograph them because you would have been impressed. It looked like I was smuggling pasty white tree stumps under my clothes.

So it's Sunday night & I obviously ran out of steam earlier this week & haven't had the brain power to blog anymore. Things have gone well since then - never mind the new nightly aches & pains. I'm giving my pelvic bones, muscles & ligaments little pep talks that they really don't need to stretch or do anything else drastic because ain't no baby coming down that way but unfortunately, a ladies body has a job to do & it has no time for my opinion on how things should go.

We have lost our minds in this house, by the way. We're neck-deep in organizing everything & rearranging furniture to make room for little Fonzarelli & his visiting family. Let's be honest - I still haven't planned anything for Fonzie beyond our little gorgeous corner so everything else is to make way for a guestroom where our Office of Mystery (because it's a jumble of extras & ends) once was. And while everything was in the darkest state of disarray possible, Marcel & I had a brainstorm ... hey, ya know Ben's furniture would fit in here more easily & his current room would be a much more sensible guestroom/office. So yeah, off to buy paint & to box up all of our sanity because it is of no use to us anymore. It's almost 9pm & Marcel is painting Ben's soon to be room & most of the house is in total madness! Tomorrow, Ben & I are taking a Mama/Son roadtrip to IKEA for a few little things. Luckily, our little clown car can't hold more than a few little things so no new furniture is in our future. Of course, no more furniture would fit in our tiny little Rancho Relaxo either. Did you forget we used to call our house Rancho Relaxo? It's baaaack.

Anyway, so hopefully over the next week Marcel will finish all the painting in there (I am not supposed to be around the fumes in my delicate condition) then we'll move Ben over in one fell swoop (is that the phrase? I've never actually typed it out but that's how I pronounce it), then cobble together the guestroom/office shenanigans. At some point we have to finish all the weeding & pruning back of the backyard landscaping because the weeks of rain have made everything go out of control. And yeah, I suppose we'll actually have to set up that corner of our room that I've been meticulously planning for months. Hope it actually turns out halfway as lovely as I picture it - otherwise, I'm gonna be crabby. Perhaps I should start it sooner than my plan so I can freak out & start over when I hate it! A good friend of ours has said we can use her gorgeous white wood crib instead of our plastic one draped in bumblebee fabric that we got in a sale back in the day. Oh, how I hate our plastic bassinet so I'm hoping their little man is ready to move into his real crib in time for Fonzie to steal a better bed than his fabric wonderland. I do love the idea of bumblebees taking a starring role but the bassinet itself is not so nice.

So there we are. Marcel is painting, Ben is sleeping, I am watching the Masterchef finale like the lazy jackass I am. I am slightly ashamed but I also did dump a bunch of sheets, etc. from our linen closet to donate to charity (all good quality, I assure you) & went through my giant stack of magazines to cut out the interviews, ads & spreads from my old work clients that I arranged or had a hand in. Sometime this week I will put them all in a nice presentation folder or portfolio. No, I don't think this will ever be usable in a job interview situation but it will be a nice little souvenir from my glory days for myself! And most importantly for our current situation, I could finally throw all those magazines in the recycling bin. Huzzah - have had that task on my mental to-do list for the last 2+ years so I'm stoked.

I realize this blog has been pretty darn boring recently, which is why I have kept my entires a little sparser than usual. Now that I'm getting to the final weeks of this pregnancy - did you ever think I'd make it all the way through another ding dang 9 months by the way?? - my thoughts are a jumble of complaints about my groin pains, occasional heartburn, reminding myself to be a good mom to my current child & not to rip Marcel's head off for no reason & to keep drinking water & put my feet up as often as possible to prevent the puffiness. These are not things you want to read about, I'm guessing. I'll have to take some pictures of our insane house rearranging so you can laugh at us like the mean person you are.

We're still working on baby names, by the way so you still have time to nominate any favorites you don't plan on using yourself. Marcel will poo-poo them immediately & I'll get all annoyed at him for not liking anything & he'll claim that he came up with Ben's name, which is just all sorts of an insane lie. But don't feel bad - just suggest the stinking names. And just to prove the level of my neurosis, I'd like to have a name chosen ASAP if for no other reason than I would like to order his name for the wall like we received as a very generous gift from a friend for Ben. If Ben wasn't asleep I'd go in there & take a picture of his name on his wall in gorgeous white but I'm going to steal another example from The Princess and the Pea website in a lovely shade of green that I'm currently tempted by:
Hey, did I tell you that we've had to have another bloody ultrasound rescheduled? Seriously, I don't think we've ever had an appointment just happen as originally scheduled during this pregnancy. The last place actually CLOSED DOWN the week before our very important appointment & this time the ultrasound tech is out sick for 10 days. What on earth? And why do they only have one person capable of looking at my gut baby? I tried to get in somewhere else so I could still have it done before my 32 week midwife checkup but no one could squeeze me in. The midwife I spoke to said I should avoid rescheduling one of their appointments if at possible since I'm still technically high risk so the doctor will just have to look at the films when they come in a week later. Obviously praying for good progress & that Fonzie is growing well & not doing anything stupid in there.

Now you'll have to excuse me but this heaven-forsaken Masterchef season is minutes away from ending & I'd like to watch the chef from the top restaurant in the world give these contestants skeptical looks from beneath his adorable Copenhagen-born beard. I wish I cared about either Kate or Michael at all so I would care who won but neither thrilled my soul, even though they're both very worthy cooks. I hope next season's contestants have more character. And I truly hope I don't get addicted to The Renovators, made from the same people who make Masterchef & is A-W-E-S-O-M-E quite honestly. I'm afraid it may have been the annoying fire under our ass to fix everything up around here.

Okay, seriously done rambling now. Hope you're having a more interesting end to your weekend & I genuinely pray your house doesn't look like it's been ransacked by rabid raccoons like ours does. xo

01 August 2011

*sour patch kids

I know I've bored & terrified you all with tales of woe from Ben's delivery. Well, we're re-organizing everything & going through storage boxes to get baby clothes out, take stuff to charity, etc. Anyway I found my notebook from labor & delivery class with all the details about what labor will be like, what to expect, what the "rare" (my ass) complications could possibly be & all that jazz. The book of lies according to Marcel. I think I've gotten to the root of what went wrong on my glorious day. In all this massive preparation - two 8 hour classes, role playing, quizzes, questions & discussions - I wrote exactly one note in my book. What does it say, friends? I scribbled "sour patch kids" & put an asterisk beside it. That's it. I had my priorities straight - leave the damn tennis balls & massage, breathing & birth plans, just make sure I don't forget to bring candy with me to the biggest day of my life. Yes, it all makes sense now.

While I'm on the subject of ridiculousness from that day, have I mentioned the biggest disappointment of it all? I never got ice chips. When I realized this afterwards I felt immediately wronged. I am making it clear right now that even though I will not be going through labor this time (are those famous last words?), I'm still going to make a birthing plan. All it's going to say is *ICE CHIPS & I better damn well get my ice chips because I was really looking forward to them.

As you can see I have such lofty things on my brain these days. My thoughts have been so disjointed and random but I enjoy when my brain goes off on tangents - a little more enjoyable than stressing over important things, I suppose. And we're making some decent progress moving things around, throwing things out, donating what's worth it & other such things that allow me to mark things off my several thousand to-do lists in my official book of Fonzie Preparation. My hospital bag is filling up with my necessities (no sour patch kids this time ... so far) - at this rate I'm going to need one of those Louis Vuitton steamer trunks. That's right, NEED one so feel free to get me one if you have an extra one lying about.

31 weeks tomorrow, which means we are creeping towards the end of this thing. Next week we have our 32 week scan to make sure Fonzie's growing appropriately so it will be nice to see him again. He's an active little monkey these days so it's nice to always be aware of his presence - I try to make Ben watch him moving & feel the bumps but he's having none of it.

Oh goodness, I'm boring the crap out of myself now so I'm going bye bye. Off to bathe the toddler boy & pass out on the couch with the unborn boy. Have a great day!